My Reality

I love to watch reality TV. I’ve watched them all, beginning with MTV’s The Real World and Road Rules, but now, I’m happy to say, that I’ve narrowed my dose of Reality to just three shows: Survivor, The Amazing Race, and American Idol. Why do I care so deeply about the contestants on each of these programs – are they bitchy or cute? Are they cunning or idiotic? What is it about these three TV shows that cause me to go into a state of withdrawal when sweeps are over and each series reaches its climax culminating in one lucky winner, or team, taking home a million dollars or a recording contract?

I think it is that these three, out of all the shows that have come and gone before and after, like The Bachelor/Bachelorette, The Apprentice, Average Joe, are the only reality shows that I could ever imagine myself, either now or when I was younger, vying to be a contestant. Would I be able to survive on an island with 12 cutthroat, smelly, strangers, running obstacle courses, eating rice and bugs? Could I navigate the globe with a partner (who?) without having a breakdown the first time we got lost? How would I have fared among the thousands of singers who face the producers of American Idol at stadiums and convention centers across the country every year? I may never know the answer, but I can still imagine. I can still enjoy occasionally watching my reality shows with one or three of my children. I can still speculate on strategy and evaluate the contestants. I still look forward to my fix.

One season, on Survivor, I actually knew one of the survivors. Knew in the "biblical" sense, that is. I went to law school with this survivor: "Survivor Andrew" and watching that particular season was actually rather painful. I was happy when he was finally voted off. It turns out that I didn't care too much for his TV persona. Was he that cunning and manipulative when I knew him all those years ago? I can't remember.

Rob and Amber are my favorite reality show characters. They have actually managed to make a career out of being reality contestants. And why not? Didn't they meet, become engaged, get married, and begin their lives together on reality television? It will be hard to watch The Amazing Race now that these two have been eliminated as contestants.

Which leaves American Idol. What can I say about this season? These singers suck. With the exception of two in particular, the rest are amateurs. C'mon. I can't believe that out of 100,000 auditions, this is the best in the country. No way. Tomorrow evening Simon Cowell will be on Sixty Minutes. You better believe I'll be watching.