This is how I felt yesterday.My 13 year old, middle son, "hates" me. He is on hour 32 of a tantrum that started when I told him he could not go to the Twilight Ball because it is this Friday night, which is when our family is celebrating Shabbat together in honor of my nephew, Adam's cousin's, Bar Mitzvah. This should have come as no surprise to Adam, who himself was just Bar Mitzvah'd this past September. He very clearly remembers how disappointed we all were when another family member didn't come to Friday night dinner because of a school football game.
Now I am the enemy. Everything wrong with Adam's life is my fault. Mind you Adam has another parent, my husband -- his father, but I am the only parent to receive 100% of Adam's ire. I think it is because he senses ambivilance in his dad. Kids are smart that way. Scott would rather permit Adam to go to the dance, so as to cull his affection and prevent a scene, than form a united front on this (or any) issue.
So, today I have been told that not only does Adam hate me, but all his friends do too. He has destroyed my crossword puzzle by filling in all of the squares with hateful words to describe me. He has told me that I deserve whatever happens to me and he would not be sorry if anything did happen to me. Meanwhile, his dad doesn't intervene, so the bad feelings Adam has for me, I am now feeling for Scott.
4 comments:
And WE were difficult as teenage girls, huh? I think people forget that boys can also go hormonal on us. (I have a 13 year old son too, so I understand)
I'm sure that on Friday, EVERYONE will end up having a great time. In the meantime, it doesn't make his actions and the lack of action from the hubby any less hurtful.
Did you talk to your son or your husband about what they are doing?
Hey, did your kids ever read those "David" books? About that naughty boy who got in trouble all day but whose mom still loved him in the end? Your tale reminds me of those. Well, of my second son and those books. He was the one who would get so mad at me he'd say "I hate you!" when he was little. I used to get mad at him, too, but then say "I am mad at you, but I still love you." As an experiment I'd ask him when he was really mad at me if he still loved me. He'd always say "NO!"
Now that he is a rational, hormonally balanced ten year old, he would never do that.
Sounds like I get to relive those days in another few years.
I don't have teens yet but I do teach them all day long. What seems to work for me is to remain consistent to the point of boredom in regard to standards, expectations, and discipline. I haven't always agreed with my wife when she has disciplined my kids but I always go along with what she has chosen to do, i wish I could day the same for her. It's frustrating, I know. Now, you're not exacty talking about a dscipline issue, but it's not that far off .
Hang in there. He'll love you again in about 7 years.
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